I want to lose weight more than ANYTHING. I have ALL of the resources to do so and ALL the motivation in the world yet, Something’s STILL holding me back, But WHAT? I have someone who’s willing to lose weight with me(my dad). He said for every pound I lose he’ll give me a dollar. I want to lose 130 LBS so that’s $130. He even said he’d buy me a whole new wardrobe. Not to mention the fact I would finally be happy with myself. I’d finally be able to wear a bikini or shorts in the summer. I’d feel more confident around other people as opposed to that fat, shy girl in the over-sized hoodie. I’d be able to walk into a regular department store and KNOW that there will be cute clothes in MY size. I wouldn’t break down crying in the dressing rooms like I do now. I’d be able to walk past a mirror without guilt and shame overwhelming me. I could quit wearing that uncomfortable, expensive shape wear. And being the person that I am- There is nothing I love more than to prove people wrong. I would love to prove to all those people who said I CAN’T do it that I CAN and I DID. What more am I waiting for? My dad also bought me a treadmill that came with weights. I have a “Biggest Loser” 10 pound “weight ball”. I have this carb/calorie book. I have a Shake Weight (even though using it looks entirely inappropriate). I have plenty of space in my room to just do aerobics or something, I have a jump rope. Then, At least for the past… 3 years I swear, My dad has bought/buys me ALLLL this health food. Fruits, Vegetables, Cheese, Yogurt, Lean meats, Healthy Choice/Lean Cuisine meals, Slim-Fast, Special K- Everything. It’s not like I’m going without. We always have bottled water- EVERYTHING. Still, I continue to do NOTHING and be miserable. I mean, There are days that I’m so full of energy and bored out of my mind- Which would be the PERFECT time to work out. Then there are days that I even FORGET to eat because I’m not hungry. But whenever I actually TRY to make myself work or eat healthy it becomes a chore. I’m far too lazy or tired to workout and it always seems when I want to diet is when we have the most junk food and I’m SO hungry that I just want to KEEP eating. My resources are unlimited, But it seems like my mind wants to put in all this effort that my body just refuses to do. I just wish I’d do it already. I’ve been talking about it far too long. If I done it when I said I was going to do it I could have been over this stump and could have been enjoying it all this time. Instead, It’s just gotten worse. I want to be happy, pleased and confident with myself. I have literally been depressed for the past 3 or 4 years BECAUSE of my weight and I’ve turned into a hermit. I never want to go any where just because their are other people where I go. I dread just answering my front door or ordering food in an eating establishment. It infuriates me SO much that I see these females who’re 115 pounds who claim they’re fat when in reality they KNOW if they REALLY thought they were fat they wouldn’t wear their bikini’s and shorty-shorts and halter tops. They wouldn’t go out to eat in public, They wouldn’t post their beach photos on Facebook or whatever. I mean, I would kill to weigh that much (in a “good” way of course) and it’s like.. You KNOW you’re not fat and omg, I would do ANYTHING to be your size! I don’t understand how they can just say that all nonchalant. Then you have other females who can eat whatever they want as much as they want and they stay as thin as a rain with no effort at all! Why can’t I be like that????? I seriously LOVE food and HATE exercise. Those are the two WORST traits to have when wanting to lose weight, But it’s the unfortunate truth. I just really wish I’d take control of this.